Friday, March 2, 2012

Break my heart.

The song "Bring Your Love to Life Inside of me" has really been an inspiration to me lately but today especially. I love the lyrics, "break my heart until it moves my hands and feet." That part of the song I have just been repeating over and over for the last few days.

Coincidentally I have also been praying and hoping and begging for a job offer from a recent interview I had. The job seemed so perfect. It would provide the time I was so desperately wanting to have and it would get me out of a job that I find awful. Well that is putting it mildly. I actually despise my current job not because it is a terrible job or it is a hard job or any of  that but because I selfishly hate the time it takes from me I hate that it is not what I want to do with my life. I hate that I have absolutely no love or passion for it. I constantly have to remind myself to be thankful that I have a job when there are so many who don't.
  I strongly believe in the concept that people should be able to do the work they love and I realize that I am not doing that and it is hard for me right now because I am not sure where I want to go in the future or exactly how I am going to get there.

So recently when I found out about this job from a family friend I was thrilled she was truly blessed by God with being able to move onto a job she absolutely desires and she was going to try and help set me up with her current job she is leaving. I went with her and I got to see what she does everyday. I sent in my resume, I got an interview with her boss, and she put in a great word for me. Everyone was praying this would be a perfect fit. I was just sure it was going to happen.

Then today I found out that I in fact was not getting the job. That tomorrow I thought I would be giving my notice of resignation I will in fact be just working another weekend of my life away in this current position.

To put it mildly my heart was broken. But I will not be swayed because even though this seemed so perfect his plan is different than mine. I have to be okay with that and I will be. Maybe this was the heartbreak I needed to seek him more and to seek my passions more and to use my gifts for what I am supposed to be doing.

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